frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
