Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
