There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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