I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
