Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
smell my finger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
