Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
