Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let's get the cat blown out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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