Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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