how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
