Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
