He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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