Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
