I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
