and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
