ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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