Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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