whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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