Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
