You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
