I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
