i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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