he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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