You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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