she told me i tasted like america
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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