She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
last night I used snow as a chaser
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
