Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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