I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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