i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
