When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
