she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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