I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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