You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
