The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
