rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
