I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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