I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
