I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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