If i come over, it means nothing
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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