I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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