my phone needs a breathalizer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
