He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
