hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
