so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
