please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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