She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
