At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
