Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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