Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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