he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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