im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
